Confessions Without Words
by Crownedangel
Summary: After an Occlumency session gone wrong, Snape is left speechless at a huge revelation of Harry Potter. One that could alter the whole meaning behind "The Boy Whole Lived." FtM Harry. Romantic pairings undecided!
**Confessions Without Words – Chapter One**

Summary: After an Occlumency session gone wrong, Snape is left speechless at a huge revelation of Harry Potter. One that could alter the whole meaning behind "The Boy Whole Lived." FtM Harry. Pairings undecided!

Story Rating: T, though it may go up.

Warning(s): Body dysphoria, FtM transgender character, memories of child abuse, and hints of bullying and depression.

Pairing(s): Harry & Snape, Harry & Hermione friendship, and overall Golden Trio bonding. Harry & McGonagall friendship! Romantic pairings undecided. Should it be HP x Snape or HP x Draco?

 **PLEASE KNOW I DO NOT CONSIDER MYSELF A TRANSGENDER. THIS IS BASED HEAVILY ON PERSONAL INTERPERATION AND ASSUMPTION. NONE OF IT IS MADE TO BE OFFENSIVE OR MISUNDERSTOOD.**

XXX

 **Important Author's Note:** Alright, I know in the Harry Potter series, Snape was obviously there after Lily and James' deaths. But, I'm changing that up a bit. Snape never wanted anything to do with Lily's child, scared of the heartbreak he would feel. So, everyone knew to back off of him. Meanwhile, Dumbledore knew of the prophecy. And he knew something strange was going on, seeing as the baby had a feminine body, instead of a masculine one, like the prophecy said. So he convinced the few people who knew of Harry's biological gender to follow his lead, and see Harry as the boy he really was. So... Snape is completely oblivious. **The only ones who know of Harry's biological gender would be: Dumbledore, Hagrid, McGonagall, Madam Pomfrey, and (later in this chapter) Hermione and Ron.**

Alright, that's all. Enjoy!

XXX

Harry always knew he was different. It was something he had always known, like an instinct. When Aunt Petunia always forced him into dresses or skirts, he had always thrown a tantrum. Of course, after some illegal punishments from the Dursley's, Harry gave in.

Until he was eleven. Once Hagrid had come along, the half-giant had saved him. The towering man knew of Dumbledore's plan, and chose to ask Harry some personal questions.

Nearly thirty questions later, Dumbledore's thoughts were confirmed—Henrietta Potter was transgender. With Dumbledore's assistance, Hagrid began explaining everything to Harry, including the wizarding world and his real gender.

Surprisingly, Harry took it well. In fact, he was ecstatic. He immediately bombarded the two males with questions, pleading for them to transform him into appearing as the boy he was. And they complied.

Hagrid took Harry to a muggle hair salon, where they cut Harry's long, messy hair. Then they replaced his pink, small lensed glasses with the black, round lensed glasses. They bought him a whole new wardrobe (not that he had many clothes back at the Dursley's) and talked about his new identity.

Harry had never been happier. He was beyond excited—he was finally becoming the boy he always knew he was. But of course, he knew it would be trouble hiding his feminine body. He never gave a second thought to it, however, until fourth year.

Harry could easily recall the day he first started his period. He had nearly screamed, but remembered what McGonagall had awkwardly explained to him. He quickly managed to use some toilet paper to wipe up some of the horrific mess, and then race over to the Transfiguration professor.

She had helped him a lot. She was like the mother he had never had. During his tough moments, she always managed to comfort him. Though, McGonagall knew not to treat Harry any differently in classes. That would cause too much suspicion, which Harry never wanted.

And then, back in his third year, the troubles grew. Over the summer, Harry noticed his feminine qualities blossoming. He instantly sent a letter to both Dumbledore and McGonagall, who headed over to help him out. Dumbledore used his wisdom to console Harry, while McGonagall took Harry to buy some new things for his wardrobe.

Because Harry was growing in a feminine body, he had begun growing breasts and curves he didn't want. It was all very tough for him, and very heartbreaking. But he was strong, and he pulled through it. He knew it would be worth it in the end. After all, once a wizard reached the age of twenty, they could have certain prescriptions that would transform the person into their determined gender.

McGonagall managed to buy him a few binders. Harry used the chest binders to conceal his growing chest, which comforted him. Though it was physically uncomfortable, it was mentally comforting.

Harry tried convincing the two professors to put a glamour charm on him, so that it would easily conceal all his feminine features. However, Dumbledore and McGonagall knew they couldn't. It would cause an uproar if anyone discovered this, maybe even in the Ministry. Several, if not all, of the teachers at Hogwarts knew how to spot a glamour charm. And Harry refused to have others get in on his secret.

Eventually the summer before fifth year came. Harry was informed of the Order, which was shortened for Order of the Phoenix. It was a group of wizards that were against Voldemort and his followers, and came together to plan and take action for his ultimate destruction.

Harry continued hiding his ever growing curves. He was forced to wear baggy clothing, though, luckily his robes managed to cover quite a lot. Hermione and Ron were growing concerned, though. They knew something was up. Even from Harry's first or second year, they knew something awry was going on.

And now, just a week into the Hogwarts school year, Harry was finding it more and more difficult to keep this secret from his two companions. Night after night he made sure to sleep with his robes tucked around his body, to hide his chest when he was forced to take his binder off. Unfortunately, he had to sleep in a dorm with other boys. Though, they knew nothing and were completely oblivious—except for Ron.

When Harry hung around Hermione and Ron afterhours, he would find it harder and harder to breathe. The compression of his chest made it difficult to take deep breaths, and often made him breathe harder. His friends noticed this as well. Plus, he was always worried he would break a rib. Luckily that had never happened. Though, he had come very close one time.

And so, Hermione and Ron finally confronted Harry about it. They had been sitting alone in the Gryffindor common room just a little late in the evening, and Harry felt the all too familiar ache and soreness in his chest and around his ribs.

Hermione decided to speak first, making sure they were alone. "Okay, Harry," she sighed. "Ron and I know something is wrong."

Harry paled, eyes going slightly wide. They couldn't possibly know, could they? But… maybe he should tell them? They could help! He chose to give a fake reply, though. "Like what?" he managed to catch himself.

"Harry, we're worried, mate," Ron spoke up. "Something weird has been going on—especially after our fourth year."

Harry went even paler. Fourth year… that was when he began having his menstrual cycle. Oh boy. "Er… what have you guys been seeing?" he asked hesitantly. He mentally smacked himself. Stupid, stupid, stupid!

"Harry, you're always out of breath!" Hermione exclaimed, though, no one was in the common room at the time. "You'll randomly get triggered by something, and we don't know what, and then you'll excuse yourself to the bathroom all the time."

"And it's kinda weird how you never undress in the dorms," Ron added.

Hermione went wide eyed. And for a second, Harry thought she knew.

"Harry are you… do you have an eating disorder? Are you insecure?" she gasped.

Harry gave a sigh of relief. "No! No, Hermione," he breathed out. Well, he was insecure… just not about his weight. "It's, um… something else. I promise I'll tell you guys eventually, but… right now isn't the time."

Hermione and Ron exchanged glances, looking defeated. Harry felt sympathetic, actually. They were just worried about him, and here he had been, lying about something big ever since he first began attending Hogwarts.

"Okay, Harry," Hermione reluctantly murmured. "But remember, if you ever need anything, we're here for you."

Ron nodded in agreement. "Definitely."

Harry smiled gratefully. "Thanks."

XXX

And he only lasted two days after that. Ever since that conversation, Harry was intent on confessing. He wasn't sure how, though. What could he possibly say? 'Oh hey, guys. Decided to let you guys in on my secret. So yeah, I'm a boy that has boobs and periods, and wears binders. Did I mention I've been lying to you guys forever?' No, that wouldn't go well.

So eventually he came to the decision that he'd tell them today. He told them at breakfast in the Great Hall to meet him in the Room of Requirement, and they quickly agreed. It was obvious they were desperate to know Harry's secret.

So as soon as classes ended, Harry began ambling over towards the Room of Requirement. He anxiously wrung his hands together, trying to decide on what he'd say. He muttered in himself, quietly so that no one heard him. Though, he did get a few strange looks.

Once he reached the RoR, he was surprised to see Ron and Hermione already there. He blinked, stunned at how eager they were to learn his secret. Then he shrugged it off, stepping into the room with the RoR door vanishing.

There were multiple seats, in the form of armchairs and couches. Plus, there was a little bookshelf, which Hermione was surprisingly ignoring. Harry was taken aback by just how much they wanted to discover the truth.

Their heads snapped up at his arrival, both looking worried and immensely curious. Hermione patted the seat next to her, where the three would be sitting together. Harry took a seat beside Hermione on a leathery couch, while Ron sat carelessly on the coffee table in front of it.

"Okay, so are you going to tell us?" Ron asked.

Harry inhaled deeply, then exhaled through his mouth. He anxiously nodded, noticing the worried looks on both their faces.

"Don't worry, Harry," Hermione murmured. "You can trust us." Ron voiced his agreement with a simple "yeah."

The Boy Who Lived ran a hand through his messy black hair, before dropping it back to his side. He rested his elbows on his knees, leaning forward with both fear and excitement. Maybe he could finally get this off his chest, and they could help him?

"Okay, here it goes," Harry finally sighed. "Um… I don't really know where to start," he muttered sheepishly. "Promise not to get mad? Or freak out?"

"Promise!" they chorused.

"Okay, good." He paused, searching for the words. "Er…."

"Harry, c'mon, mate," Ron comforted. "It can't be that bad. We won't judge you!"

Harry snorted. "Trust me, it's pretty bad."

"If you don't want to say it, we can try guessing?" Hermione suggested. It actually sounded like a great idea, seeing as Harry was worrying too much. She probably got the method from a psychology book of some sort.

"Okay… it has to do with… seeing Madam Promfrey," Harry hinted. They both frowned, which made him realize that was the wrong thing to say. "Okay, never mind!" he corrected himself. "It's not a disease or a disorder… well, at least not to most understanding people," he muttered the last part quietly. "I see Madam Pomfrey once a month. There's the hint."

Ron rubbed his chin thoughtfully, while Hermione paled.

"Er… Harry, you're making it sound like, um…." Hermione trailed off awkwardly.

Ron got the gist. "Mate, you're making it sound like you have periods."

Harry flinched, a frown taking place on his face.

"Woah wait," Ron gasped. "Why would you be having periods?"

Hermione, meanwhile, was staring at Harry with disbelief. But as she thought about it, the puzzle pieces clicked together.

'Heavy breathing, visiting healer once a month, never dressing in front of others, wearing baggy clothes.' Harry was what she had knew the term as 'transgender.' She had read about it several times in a gender identity novel.

"Harry…." She breathed sadly. "I'm so sorry." A look of sad understanding crossed her features, and Harry sighed.

Ron blinked, still confused. "Wait, I don't get it," he muttered. Harry groaned, rolling his eyes. "Is it a birth defect, or—OW!" he yelped when Hermione slapped his arm.

"You could say that…," Harry trailed off.

"Ron," Hermione murmured, deciding to confess for Harry. He seemed to be too frightened at the moment. "Harry is transgender."

Ron's eyebrows furrowed, before finally remembering the definition of the word. He let out an 'ohhhh' with his mouth forming in a large 'O' shape. "Really?" he asked. "Wait, I just want to make sure I got this right. Harry…."

Harry grumbled, realizing Ron was completely oblivious to understanding fully without a good explanation. So he decided to take matters into his own hands. "I was born a girl, and I'm in a girl body, but I'm actually a boy," he explained simply.

Ron blinked, his mouth snapping shut. His eyes were wide, and awkwardly trailed down Harry's body. He noticed no strange curves or forms on his body, but that was most likely because the boy was wearing baggy clothes and robes.

"Oh…." He muttered awkwardly. "I'm sorry, mate. Er… It's gonna be hard for me to understand…." He sighed, and Harry shut his eyes sadly, expecting the worst.

"…But I'm going to try my best," Ron finished.

Harry reopened his eyes, staring at the redhead in disbelief. "R-Really?" he asked.

"Duh!" Ron scoffed. "So… just out of curiosity, do you like boys or girls?"

Hermione gasped at Ron, once again slapping his arm. He yelped once more, making Harry chuckle.

"I like both," Harry shrugged. "Preferably boys…." He examined Ron. "Just not you."

"HEY!" Hermione and Harry laughed. "That's offensive!"

"Would you prefer I do?" the black-haired boy snickered.

Ron opened his mouth to protest, but then shut it. He realized Harry was right, and nodded in defeat. "Good point."

"So who all knows?" Hermione asked.

"Dumbledore, Hagrid, McGonagall, Madam Pomfrey, and now you guys," Harry grinned.

Ron and Hermione smiled gently, patting the boy's shoulders. "We're glad to be added to the list."

XXX

Ever since the pair were let in on Harry's big secret, they constantly asked if he was doing all right. Harry thought it was nice at first, but then it began getting annoying. He actually considered avoiding them for a while, but realized they were just trying to help.

A couple other Gryffindors seemed to notice the two's concern. They asked every now and then, but Hermione and Ron just gave stupid excuses. The majority of those dumb excuses made Harry snicker to himself.

"So," Hermione spoke up, shutting her Transfiguration textbook. "You doing okay today?"

Harry groaned, tossing his head back. "Yes, Hermione." Ron opened his mouth. "And YES, Ron. I'm fine, guys."

Hermione and Ron laughed lightly, making Harry smile. "Really, I've survived this long, I'm sure I'll be fine," he chuckled, hoping to reassure them once and for all. "And if something was wrong, you should know by now I would have told you guys."

Hermione shrugged, nodding in agreement. Ron patted Harry's shoulder, then resumed stuffing his face with his pancakes.

Suddenly, an elegant gray owl with a black spotted pattern came swooping down next to Harry. The boy frowned in confusion, wondering who could be sending him something. The beautiful owl landed softly on a vacant space of the table, where Harry began stroking her soft feathers. He unfolded the note, reading quickly.

 _'Meet me in my classroom at 7 PM sharp for Occlumency lessons._

 _—SS'_

Harry grumbled under his breath, catching the attention of his friends. Ron read over his shoulder, huffing. "That's tough luck."

Harry muttered an agreement, then absentmindedly handed the gray and black owl a sliver of toast. She gratefully hooted, then gobbled it up quickly. After crumpling the note, the owl swooped away and returned to wherever it came from.

XXX

Harry reluctantly headed towards the dungeons, where Snape's classroom was placed. The raven haired teenager fiddled with the strap of his backpack, while staring straight ahead of the hallway. He was not in the mood to deal with Snape.

Once Harry had confessed to Hermione and Ron, the teenager was tempted to just scream it to the world so people would maybe be easier on him. But nope—he knew that couldn't happen. For one, he'd regret it with the attention. Two, people would probably just discriminate against him even more. Three, it would cause some bad attention to come to him and those around him. So that was a definite no.

The boy sighed loudly, still lost in thought. By the time he reached Snape's classroom, he had gone over a hundred possibilities of how he could deal with his eventful life. His binder was causing an ache in his chest, since he was wearing it for over eight hours. Eight hours was supposed to be the maximum, which Harry had broken before, but he knew it was getting worse as time passed.

The door suddenly swung open, revealing the towering figure of Severus Snape. Harry blinked, staring up at the intimidating man before hesitantly following after him into the classroom.

"Alright, Potter," Snape drawled. "We've been over these lessons before. I expect you to remember what I've told you." Harry narrowed his eyes in anger. Couldn't Snape go ONE moment without trying to piss him off?

 _"Legilimens!"_ his Potions teach suddenly exclaimed.

Harry subconsciously reached for his wand, casting a protective charm around himself. _"Protego!"_ But Snape's attack was stronger, and penetrated his mind.

A memory flooded both his and Snape's mind. It was the familiar memory of Dudley harassing him over something stupid. Particularly stepping on the obese child's foot, when Harry had actually done nothing.

The memory consisted of Aunt Petunia charging towards Harry angrily, and stomping on his own foot harshly. He had cried out, seeing as the woman was wearing heels. Then she had exclaimed "How does it feel to be on the other end?"

Harry was mortified as Snape experienced the memory. He tried to push the man's attack away from him, and attempted to clear his mind like Snape had ordered him. He shut his eyes, focusing on the blackness behind his eyelids. It seemed to work, because the next playing memory faded and left both their minds returning to their own.

 _'Thank Merlin he didn't dig deeper,'_ Harry thought to himself.

"Seems like you're learning," Snape grumbled reluctantly. Harry resisted the urge to roll his eyes. Snape couldn't even produce a proper compliment after he had put effort into fending him off!

"I thought I did pretty—"

 _"Legilimens!"_ Snape interrupted him.

Harry gasped, finding it too late to defend himself. Both of them were thrust into a memory of Harry's mind. The teenager paled once he realized the memory. _'Oh shit.'_

It was the memory of Hagrid taking him to the muggle barber shop. Harry sat on an adjustable stool, with a piece of fabric draped over him to keep his hair from getting caught onto his clothes. In the mirror revealed a much younger Harry from his first year.

"Thank you, thank you, thank you!" Harry heard his younger self exclaim to Hagrid.

The half-giant gave a rumbling chuckle, startling both the eleven-year-old Harry and the man styling the boy's hair. The barber quickly resumed, chopping off several inches of messy black hair. The boy's original hair length was past his shoulder blades, making him appear feminine. Snape was shocked by how long Harry's hair once was. Maybe the Dursley's weren't willing to spend money for a hair cut?

The memory was about to come to an end, with the younger Harry murmuring to himself, "Time for a new beginning! I'll finally get to be who I really am!"

Harry stumbled back as both of the males were shoved out of the memory, gasping wildly. Harry shook his head, trying to empty his mind so that Snape wouldn't get any closer to his big secret.

Snape had other plans, however. He was determined to figure out what was haunting the boy so much, and making him so scared to where he wasn't able to empty his train of thoughts. He was curious more than concerned, which wasn't much of a surprise to him.

 _"Legilimens!"_ he abruptly shouted, before Harry could stop him.

Harry could barely keep himself together as a new memory played. It was a very personal one. One that he was begging Snape wouldn't see. Not only because he was naked in front of a mirror, but because it would reveal the secret he worked so hard on to keep to himself.

Snape was both embarrassed and confused when he entered the memory.

The memory began with nothing more than a view of Harry's back shoulder blades, and a mirror placed in front of him. Snape was confused at the sight; why would Harry be staring at himself in a mirror? And why was the boy so… skinny?

Then the view zoomed out, much to Harry's horror. It revealed a completely naked fifteen-year-old Harry, with medium-sized breasts and a curvy figure. The reflection in the mirror was visible to both Snape and Harry, revealing everything Harry had tried so hard to keep hidden.

There was a vacant space on the place where Harry's manhood should've been. Instead, if the eyes drifted downwards, you could see the folds of—

"What kind of bastard of a God made me born like this?" Both the males heard Harry's fifteen-year-old voice ring out. "I'm a boy, I'm a boy, I'm a boy!" the nude teenager kept repeating, falling to his knees in front of the mirror and clutching his knees to his chest.

And before Harry could push Snape from his mind, the memory of revealing his secret to Ron and Hermione played out.

"Okay, so are you going to tell us?" Ron's voice asked.

Then came the scene where Harry gave hints. "It has to do with visiting Madam Pomfrey once a month."

"Mate, you're making it sound like you have periods," Ron muttered.

A very visible flinch could be seen from Harry. "Harry," Hermione breathed. "I'm so sorry."

After a couple seconds of blankness, the last few bits of the memory spanned out.

"Wait, I don't get it," came Ron's bewildered voice.

"Ron… **Harry is transgender**."

 _"STUPEFY!"_ Harry finally managed to shout angrily, stunning his Potions professor. The teenager gasped for air, something he didn't realize he had been lacking. He clutched the front of a desk behind him, taking deep gulps of oxygen.

 _'This can't be happening,'_ Harry thought in a state of shock. _'No… he CAN'T know!'_

Snape was sent back, crashing against the wall of the classroom. To Snape's luck, and Harry's misfortune, the professor had not been rendered unconscious. Instead, he was dazed for a few moments, and then returned to reality.

Harry was struggling to breathe. He was bordering the action of hyperventilating, but was just managing to slowly calm down. Snape could only rest against the wall in a state of ultimate shock, watching with disbelief as the young Potter boy—girl?—gasped desperately for air.

Snape had begun regaining his senses and about to step forward. Suddenly, Harry snatched up his backpack and shot out of the classroom, leaving a very shocked and bewildered Severus Snape behind.


End file.
